If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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