just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
