Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
