I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
