I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
