I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
