I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my shit smells like andre
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
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