yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
