Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
