We won't sleep together?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
