my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
