I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
