never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
