Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
