i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
