he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
