Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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