First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
