In the future we'll all be gay
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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