I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
