i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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