Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
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