Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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