So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Bring me that man meat
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
