blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You pole danced in your parka.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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