the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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