Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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