"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
