too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize