dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
