im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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