He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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