You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
