oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
