well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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