I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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