so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
