I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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