where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
