girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
