i wish my penis had a tongue
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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