Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
