is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
