Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
