what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize