My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
