My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
