his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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