what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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