I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
