FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
