can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
