So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
