every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
