No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
