I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
