Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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