You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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