Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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