i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
