I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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