thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You need a sexual gate keeper
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
