never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize