My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
