the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize