Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize