Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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