she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
