I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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