the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You can't motorboat a personality
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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