He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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