forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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