do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
