why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
