Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
