At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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