One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize