i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They took my balls.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
