i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
