matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
