Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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